Bingo (while depressed 2006)

   written in 2006

I was having a terrible day, when my friend called and said I HAD to go to the secret sisters’ luncheon today I said, “No” she said “yes,” we argued, she won.

    I pulled myself up by my bra straps, and plastered a layer or two of makeup on my face. I  got out of my sweat pants, bypassed the overalls and went for the gold, put on my too tight Rockies’ Jeans.

   I went into the kitchen rooted around in the fridge found a couple of packages of cream cheese

 that wasn’t  moldy and whipped up my famous cheese ball, wrapped it in saran wrap plopped it on a plate and preceded to go out into the cold cruel world.

  The wind was galeing.  Hmm is that a word? It wasn’t going in circles, so couldn’t be termed a tornado.  I got the storm door open when the wind tried to slam it shut, with me in it. Banged my head on the steel door.  I peeled the cheese ball off my chest, wiped the loose parsley flakes and nuts off my shirt, the saran wrap failed. I  clutched it to me and ran to the car. Okay I  basically ran in place with my head stuck out like a snail as I fought the wind to get to my car.

  I opened the door and jumped in before the wind could body slam me. I reshaped my little cheese oval. It was no longer a ball. 

  I got to the church kitchen, opened the door, the wind was so strong I couldn’t close the door.  I set my little cheese oval down, and wrestled that dad-gummed door with both hands until I got it shut. I looked around and couldn’t find my cheese oval.  Through the window . . .   I saw  my poor little cheese oval where I left it out in the cold on the step. 

  Another church lady came and I bolted out, rescued my cheese oval and got back  into the kitchen. I let her deal with the door.

 My friend, Dana came over, looked at my food offering and said “Hmm drop it in the car and let it roll around a bit?” 

  I glared at her and picked off a bit of the grit  where the wind storm that had assaulted it. I told her “it was most likely the Italian dressing makes it look like that.” And set it on the table with all the other much lovelier dishes.

   Much later, we played bingo. I sat in my depressed state of mind, putting beans on the little squares.  Dana,  leaned over (I think she thought it was a test and was trying to cheat) and she yelled out “Geannii  has a BINGO!”  That isn’t what upset me. It was the words she just had to add. I know she didn’t mean to, perhaps they were just too good to grab and drag back in   “ARE YOU SLOW OR WHAT?” 

  Well the way she said or what . . . I chose to be slow and just glared at her some more before I informed  her, “You don’t  have to tell everyone in the room that I am slow.  There are some things I like to keep secret you know.”

  She giggled in what I hoped was an embarrassed way and said, “Well I’ll take your prize if you don’t want it.” .

  I may be “slow” but I’m not stupid! I got up and retrieved my own prize.

  I left right away, as I was close to ruining my good deep depression with all that fun and gaiety.

 

My First Digital Camera 2005

  New Digital Camera

 On the truck I’m filled with glee

 Not knowing where, next we’ll be.

 Pictures to share our  memories.

 Oh a Barn, a lake, a mountain or two

 The colors are such a lovely hue.

 What is this I see? It cannot be!

 Where is all my beautiful scenery?

 This isn’t fair!! All the places we just seen

 And what do I see on  my little screen?

 TREES TREES TREES

 Is all I see!

 I cry and moan and begin to wail

My little camera I’m ready to sell!

 The propane tank painted up like corn

 It was there! I could have sworn!

 Argh my scalp hurts, my hair is torn.

 Where’s the mountains, where’s the barn?

 My friends, I planned to show and tell

 See the boat, see the sail? 

 See the cabin by the lake

 All the pictures I did take...

And all they can see

 Is a bunch of big old trees!

The mountains were covered in snow

 I took the pictures so I could show

 All the things that I did see...

And now all I have is Trees trees trees!!

                                                   Geannii 2005

I Cannot Be One of Them

I cannot be one of them!

 A widow.

 Wearing a long dress all in black,  a big heavy veiled hat wearing it like a crown.

 Shuffling here and there... leaning on others too weak to stand on my own.

 Febuary 10,2022 was the last day I was a wife.

 I am a widow.

Why am I not curled in my bed with the covers over my head?

Buried in grief... the pain so deep I can’t breathe.

My life is over!! The life I knew is over. 

I look back. It was an amazing life. I was a blest wife.

Our love was rare.. We had so much care.

 One for another. He was my protector.

  We lived on a truck the country to see. Semi-retired together we’d be.

 We became like one person, inseparable. 

 How will I live without him? That chapter of my life is closed forever.

 Do I keep going over the book of our life, rereading the pages?

  Wanting what I'll never have?

  This is a new chapter in my life. I don't want it. I didn't plan for it. I hate it!

  I've put on a brave face. I look strong. I  smile, I laugh like nothing is wrong

   I joined a widows/widower group. I am NOT one of THEM!! 

  This is all I see on that group  THIS IS NOT ME 

  Why aren't my friends asking about me ?

 Why isn't anyone responding to my millions of poor pitiful me posts?

 Don’t they need to hear daily that I am sad and lost?

   I am the only one ever lost a spouse. My friends are all such louses. 

  I sit in the midst of his/her things and feel overwhelmed. I hug his recliner, 

  I hug her clothes. I can't sell her car, 

 I cry all the time, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I move on?

   Clear out the house? I’ll never part with a blouse!

   I don’t belong with them. I am NOT one of THEM!

Coffee with me... the Last Chapter of 44 Years

   December 1977 - February 2022  

   I was a wife. 

   This is the last chapter of that life. 

   What a beautiful send off for my Sweetheart. He drove truck for 50 years. 

   Yes we strapped him on the back of a flatbed for his last ride. it was beautiful.

   The songs on his montage video were:

    Willie Nelson's On the Road again. 

     Alabama's Roll On

     Creedence Clearwater Revival  Cotton Fields 

     

 

   

Half of me has been ripped away, I've been left raw and bleeding. He would not want me to live in a dark room crying my eyes out. My life is over. I feel him in my heart. Keep having adventures. Keep moving forward.  I am honoring that in my new Blog 

https://adventureswithjeanne.blogspot.com/

Battle Of Braum's

Battle of Braums (our local icecream shop) 

I stepped on the scales, my clothes were tight.

 I read the numbers, this couldn’t be right!

 I cried and wailed and I did scream

 “It couldn’t be my Braums ice cream.”

 I weighed again, the scales read the same

 Even neked, it said I’d gained! 

 Where’s my indoor bike, where could it be?

 Way down in the shed, I could not see.

 Back to the house I did park it

. Climbed upon it, and took off like a rocket. 

 My legs were like jelly, my heart was racing. 

 This bicycle ride I am hating.

 I was proud of how far, and long I’d sped,

 My legs were aching, they felt like lead. 

 I looked at the clock... the battery has died...

 That can’t be a twenty second ride

 Rabbit food is all I’ll eat, 

Vegetables only, no more meat!! 

 On the TV...I can’t believe it..

. Braums I see... tomorrow I’ll diet!!

Day 885 on the truck.

Traveling down the road, (We've been trucking for 885 days.) it's become a way of life. When others sit in their comfortable home having a snow day, we are on the road with no choice but to chain up and go on, and try to keep enough distance between us and people out showing us their mad driving skills.

The big Cadillac, swerved one way, and then the other, did a doughnut, meanwhile we're right behind them, we don't dare touch a brake or our trailer will be pulling us around in circles. The guy finally stopped showing off and went on down the road.

Gets the old heart pumping.

The window wipers clogged with snow, we stopped to clean them off, headed down the road, twenty minutes later, more snow on them. talk about a white out, we couldn't see to get off the road, and couldn't see THE road. I had my head out the window, telling DH i see a white line... finally a rest area, the trucks were so clogged in there, they were out on the freeway, we had no choice but to go on.

Finally we got to a town, a car turned on it's lights so we could see to get off, it was the local police for the town. Awesome him doing that for us. We got the windsheild cleared off, got it cooled down, headed out again, and didn't have any more trouble. (we didn't use the defrost).

i wasn't afraid, I trust DH, he is a professional, I do worry about others that don't know what they're doing.

I pray a lot. God hears me I am sure!

Clutter Free??

I've been a flybaby fluttering and flopping, flying and stalling for fourteen years. You would think I would have the hang of flying at this point... um NO. I'm a wanna be Born Organized.

I can't imagine parting with my old roller blades and padding, the Grandchildren might want Mimom to skate with them someday. Don't suggest I part with ONE cookbook, I might actually crack one eventually. You know the drill. I might need it one day and when I do, I'll be sorry. Better to be safe than sorry right? My thoughts exactly.

Now I'm at my abode, staring at all this stuff, of course none of it is in it's home, some of it never did have a home. We come home do laundry, some of it goes back with us, most of it stays home... right where we left it.

Digging under my kitchen sink, I discovered... a snake! I don't care that he was very dead and very dried out stuck in a glue trap! He was UNDER my sink! I threw away the Tupperware pitcher I used to toss the glue trap with the snake firmly attached.

(I've dealt with 7 snakes in our old house, I do NOT want to begin that tradition again. Maybe if I'd stop using glue traps I wouldn't have a snake problem, or one that I know about.

I couldn't rest knowing I had snake... goo under my sink...(no evidence but I could imagine it well enough.)

It was the beginning of cleaning out every cabinet, cupboard, drawer in my kitchen. I put back the things I've actually used in the past year. The rest went into an I don't know box. I've decided to donate it without looking back.

The next day, I started on my living room. I went through all the stuff we've dropped when we get off the truck, if I can't find it a home, it's going to a new home.

My inspiration came from a group on Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/groups/spendingwiselylivingwell

I learned of a blog from that group http://www.becomingminimalist.com/

When I nearly gave up, he posted something inspired me to continue my quest to let the stuff go and live simpler and happier.


I let go of everything I don't love or need. It hasn't been easy but so well worth it.

A week later, and I really love the house, I've hated since we downsized four years ago.

The shed is full of stuff to be donated to charity.

I realized today, our finances are in order, we've been debt free sixteen days.

My house is clutter free.

My life truly is getting more amazing every day.

Don't Mind the Open Refridgerator

I'm home recuperating today.

In our wonderful journey, we barely got our load and headed to California, when the door of our freshly stocked refrigerator
flew open.

We were going through a little town speed limit 40 mph.

I quickly unbuckled, grabbed the fallen items and slammed the door shut. I sat at the table to repack the veggies into their shoe box.

Next thing I knew, I was in extreme pain laying at DH feet. My face was stinging. I couldn't move the pain so bad in my back.

A little old man pulled out in front of us, then stopped to make another left turn all within seconds. DH stopped, I did not.

DH pulled over, helped me get to the table. I had scrapes across my back. We are still in rural Texas, no ER nothing.

We were about an hour from our friends house. We continued on. I felt so much better by the time we got there.
They looked at the bruise on my back and the cuts and mentioned taking me to the ER.
(another two hours the opposite direction our load is going.)

The friends didn't have an extra bed for me to rest on. I chose to get back on the truck. my own bed is there and the pain was receding by leaps and bounds.

Fast forward to exactly a week later.

The bruise is a faint circle, no pain what so ever (none since the day after it happened.)
We were nearly home, we were parked for the night, the next day we'd unload at eight stores, then go home finally, or not...

We got some groceries, I went to the restroom, looked at my fading bruise, when I turned back from the mirror, my back went into a spasm.

I'm glad to be home and resting nicely.

Truck drivers don't have the leisure time to run to the ER when they need to. Many of them drive when they are sick with the flu, have toothache, headaches. They keep moving the product on down the road so consumers can live the life of leisure they enjoy.

living on a truck

It's been 17 months since we began our adventure.

I've learned a lot of things, like jumping out at the fuel island to be next in line for a shower while Hubs parks.
If we have cell phone service I let him know which shower I'm in. If we don't have service, he gets to play the knock on every door game. LOL. Not really, I wait for him at the front door.

We moved into a 2013 Volvo June 26, 2013. Like moving from a tiny apartment into a mansion. (big grin)

I cook at home, in the beginning, it was the only way Hubs could eat for his health.

Now,I realize we save so much money, and we're eating healthier.

Weight gain is a huge issue with truck drivers. Nothing to do but eat going down the road.

I loaded up with Apples,oranges,bananas etc. We invested in an air popcorn popper. I have a microwave and crock pot.
I make dough in my bread machine at home, for calazones, bierox,indian tacos, etc.
Heat and warm in the microwave.

When the microwave croaks, if we can't find another one with dials, I'll have to get a stove to go, seen at all truck stops.

I carry fresh romaine lettuce and all the makings for a salad in our little refridge:


We carry potatoes for a baked potato, or potato soup. We buy a roast to cook going down the road, sometimes I cook fresh spaghetti.

This is our wonderful table we are blessed with. (only Volvo's have a table.)

Believe it or not.. I really love this life.

Vacation

What were we thinking? Travel 1200 miles to go on vacation when we TRAVEL for a living!

It sounded fun back in March when our son suggested we reserve a log cabin by Jackson Hole WY to camp with them for 6 days. I reserved our cabin for six nights. yay.

  We got six days off for vacation… its gonna take longer than one day to travel 1200 miles. We aren’t flying.

  so we will pay for two nights we aren’t staying due to lack of planning on my part. I called the lady and let her know we’ll be in Thursday not wednesday. She said they have really been slammed begging for a cabin the weekend we want it. (Well yeah, its church camp up there, why we picked that same weekend.)

its gonna be so much fun I just know it.

"Edited"

We had so much fun. Laughter, love, fire at night as we made S'mores. We did have to wait in line for the one shower. Folks from Church Camp camping, came down to shower. (It was in a separate building.)

I waded out in the small creek to photograph someone falling into the creek. Needless to say, I was the only one that fell. I saved my camera, did not save the cell phone in my pocket.




We spent one day in the Teton Mountains, crashed a wedding at the little chapel to get his picture.


Thanks to my family with a sense of humor, my new bathroom Photo: