I cannot be one of them!
A widow.
Wearing a long dress all in black, a big heavy veiled hat wearing it like a crown.
Shuffling here and there... leaning on others too weak to stand on my own.
Febuary 10,2022 was the last day I was a wife.
I am a widow.
Why am I not curled in my bed with the covers over my head?
Buried in grief... the pain so deep I can’t breathe.
My life is over!! The life I knew is over.
I look back. It was an amazing life. I was a blest wife.
Our love was rare.. We had so much care.
One for another. He was my protector.
We lived on a truck the country to see. Semi-retired together we’d be.
We became like one person, inseparable.
How will I live without him? That chapter of my life is closed forever.
Do I keep going over the book of our life, rereading the pages?
Wanting what I'll never have?
This is a new chapter in my life. I don't want it. I didn't plan for it. I hate it!
I've put on a brave face. I look strong. I smile, I laugh like nothing is wrong
I joined a widows/widower group. I am NOT one of THEM!!
This is all I see on that group THIS IS NOT ME
Why aren't my friends asking about me ?
Why isn't anyone responding to my millions of poor pitiful me posts?
Don’t they need to hear daily that I am sad and lost?
I am the only one ever lost a spouse. My friends are all such louses.
I sit in the midst of his/her things and feel overwhelmed. I hug his recliner,
I hug her clothes. I can't sell her car,
I cry all the time, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I move on?
Clear out the house? I’ll never part with a blouse!
I don’t belong with them. I am NOT one of THEM!
